This little piggy . . .

Success! I managed to fairly effectively traumatise a child in science class last week.
We were making little wooden pigs, which involved quite a lot of hammering little nails into these little bits of wood, as the individual legs and ears of the pig had to be nailed on to the body. As the kids I teach are about 7 years old, and there are 60 kids, each making their own little pig, each one involving 6 individual nails hammered into the wood, I had to do a fair amount of prep work so that each kid could get to bang the hammer a little in the lesson, and the pigs would actually be completed. I would do half of each pig (i.e. two legs and one ear) beforehand, and then I would get the fiddly bit out of the way, by starting off each nail, so the kids could then hammer in the remaining two legs and one ear during the lesson.
Now it really was quite small and fiddly, and I am a giant, with massive clown hands, so inevitably, I hit my finger with the hammer on occasion. No big deal, I'm tough, I can take it (with only a few manly tears). However, it did lead to me having quite a decent sized blood blister on my index finger. So there I was, in the lesson, holding this little kid's half finished pig in my hand, tapping at the nail, as the kid sits there patiently waiting his turn to use the hammer. And sure enough, I hit my finger again, popping the blood blister, which duly squirted a surprisingly large amount of blood all over this poor little kid's toy pig, right in front of his startled eyes. "TEACHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRR!!!"
My Korean co-teacher handed me some tissue to wipe off the kid's little pig before I handed it back so he could finish colouring it in. Something tells me he won't be treasuring that little toy pig forever and ever . . .


Away from mentally scarring young children, I joined a group called Adventure Korea, which I highly recommend. Every week, they run expeditions; white water rafting, bungee jumping, hiking, surfing, that kind of thing, so last weekend, I joined them to go paragliding. We met up early on Sunday morning in Seoul, and took the bus down to Amyeoung-do, an island off the west coast. After a hike up to the top of some hills, and a brief and confusing, multi-lingual instruction in what to do (basically, run until you're in the air), I was off! Here I am, about to soar like an eagle;

 
And here I am, actually soaring like an eagle (if an eagle had a massive parachute obviously);

It was awesome fun, and I will most definitely be trying to do it again. And I highly recommend it to anyone who is thinking of trying it. Its very popular in Korea, as Koreans love anything that involves lots of accessories, so there are plenty of paragliding clubs that you can join.


Finally, the Adventures of Tyrion the Turtle

Well this week, so he wouldn't get jealous, I made Tyrion a tiny parachute, so he can go paragliding round the apartment. And he is loving it! Airborne turtles are the future . . . .

Camping in Korea

My school had their annual Fathers Camp this weekend, which meant I had to work on a Saturday, but it was good fun. All the 6-year-old kids from our school and their Dads travelled into the country to 'camp' at another school. Now Koreans love to camp, but they never actually sleep in their tents. They just like to take their tents to the beach or a park, or in this case a school, to 'camp' for the day, and then go home. So it was somewhat strange to see tents in a school carpark, but there we go.
The day started with a bizarre Nazi Youth style warm up, as all the kids and their Dads lined up in a field, while the Principal led them in a series of stretches and exercises, from a stage at the front, before making them swear an oath of some sort. They then did a series of dances, led by various different Korean teachers. We then split up into groups, to play games with the kids for the day. My group spent the day playing balloon games with the kids and their Dads, and dancing around to Justin Bieber. It really was a lot of fun. After a long day, I took the school bus back with my kids, and they were exhausted;

I also got called out as a fraud of a Science Teacher for the first time. So far in 'Science' we have drawn a picture of a bee, made a picture of a living room with different coloured wrapping paper, drawn a made-up animal, and coloured in a wooden dog. But this week, we were doing something even less scientific. We were painting bags. One of the kids asked, as he was happily painting big red and green stripes on his bag, "Teacher science yes?" Yeah sorry kids, all you arty types are going to be massively disappointed when you go to High School, thinking you really like science. You will be in for a shock!
Next week, we're colouring in a little wooden pig. I don't think they do too much wooden pig colouring in at CERN.


Away from school, I visited Seoraksan National Park last weekend. Its probably most Koreans favourite place, and it really is beautiful. Though climbing mountains in 30 degree heat is not fun. I went all the way to the top of this rock, called Ulsanbawi (which sounds a lot like Awesome Bowie, so I spent the day singing David Bowie songs);

I also had my first taste of screen golf. Golf is very popular in Korea, but there are very very few golf courses, as there isn't much suitable land in the country that doesn't already have buildings on it. So instead Koreans play screen golf. You go to a small room, and there is a giant screen at one end, and you smack real golf balls with real clubs at the screen, and various cameras sense how well you hit the ball, and track where it would have gone. You can therefore play a full 18 holes of golf, without ever leaving the room, or having to walk around looking for your ball. The screen is like a big heavy curtain, so the balls don't bounce off. Though if you're not very good at golf, you can accidentally ping balls off the walls or ceiling before diving for cover. Not that I did that. Honest. Its also, really loud. Its actually pretty terrifying, but certainly good fun.

We're gonna get those terrorists. Now watch me hit this drive.

Finally, the Adventures of Tyrion the Turtle

Well like many people, Tyrion was shocked recently while watching Game of Thrones episode 'The Red Wedding.' I really should have done a reaction video. He got furious with life and broke the filter in his tank, before crying for days. 

Don't laugh at pee pants

Well it was another teaching first for me this week, I had my first kid pee themselves in my class! One of my colleagues had gone home sick, so I was covering her class, a bunch of kids around 8 years old, and 5 minutes in, everybody is stood up, singing a song, and then screams of "TEACHER!!!!" and lots of pointing as a puddle appears beneath this poor girl! I sent her running off to the bathroom (why didn't she just ask to go?!?!?), calmly finished the song (I'm a real pro now!), then moved all the kids over to one side of the classroom, away from the pee puddle, and got the smartest kid in the class to read a story to the rest of the class while I went and got a mop! Fun times! She returned to the class after about 20 minutes, and we all just carried on as if nothing had happened. "Its fine, just peed myself, no big deal." It took all my self control not to rip the piss (pun intended) out of this girl, but as I said, I'm a pro, and its kind of frowned upon for teachers to bully their students.

In other teaching news, we had my first open class this week. This is when all the parents of the kids come in, and watch some classes to see what all their cash is buying for their little princes and princesses. Everything went really well, and as a reward, the principal took us all out for an all-you-can-eat buffet which was pretty sweet. Though at the restaurant, I bumped into one of my kids, who had not been to school that day. Busted!!!
And as an added bonus, its Memorial Day this Thursday, which means another day off school, jackpot!


Away from school I visited the island of Jebudo last weekend. Its quite a small island, you can walk round the whole thing in a couple of hours, but its pretty nice. Its also really easy to get to from Seoul and Suwon, you can just hop on a bus, and its about an hour away. You do have to check the tide times though, as the road to the island is underwater for about 6 hours a day. While I was there, I saw a bunch of guys with parachutes and massive fans strapped to their backs, whizzing round the island, which looked like awesome fun, and something I will definitely be trying in the future!

In sporting news, my unbeaten run as a baseball superstar is over. We suffered our first defeat of the season two weeks ago, after which #onedefeated was trending for a while, but we followed that up by losing a tight game 2-1 last weekend to take my career record to 4 wins, 2 defeats. But more importantly, I finally contributed something other than style and breath-taking good looks, as I crushed one straight down the middle to register our one run in that 2-1 loss. No game for two weeks, but I assume I'll be promoted to lead-off hitter now. Also planning to go see some international football next week, as South Korea take on everyone's favourite Stan, Uzbekistan in a World Cup qualifier. Should be an absolute belter!
Also went in search of some pool this week, and after a few fails, finally found somewhere with a pool table. Most of the pool halls are full of broken tables;

Try potting in those pockets

So what we call pool back home, here they call 'Pocketball' which is a great name! Everyone plays a weird version of Carom billiards here, which I was watching intently, but still didn't really understand. I'll give it a go at some point though.

Also went to the supermarket, and was reminded of Korea's obsession with gadgets and making sure everything is useful and serves a purpose;

Functional Candy - Don't just eat it. Use it!



Finally, its time for our usual feature, The Adventures of Tyrion the Turtle!

We had a bit of a drama this week, as I thought there was a leak in the tank! 

Turns out it was just a spring onion

I'll get my coat . . . . . 

Teachers Day!!!

Hot on the heels of Children's Day (which was the best day at school ever!), is Teacher's Day!
Yes, in your face teachers in other countries! In Korea, they have an official day for teachers! Its not a national holiday, but teachers could get free cinema tickets on the day! And loads of places were giving free coffee to teachers and free cakes and stuff like that. At my school, all the morning classes were cancelled, and we had an assembly that turned into a weird popularity contest. All the teachers were on the stage, and after the Principal and the owner said a bunch of stuff in Korean (presumably about how awesome we all are), the kids came up on to the stage, a class at a time, and got to hug their favourite teacher. All the classes have four main teachers; their regular (Korean) teacher, their assistant (Korean) teacher, then two English teachers; a bilingual (Korean) English teacher, and a foreign (i.e. me) English teacher. So we were keeping score. And more importantly, keeping track of the kids that didn't rush to hug you.
"Right you little sh*t, I'm giving you extra homework next time!" 

We also got loads of presents and cards from the kids. Apparently its tradition to give a carnation here, so I got some real and some paper carnations, some cards, and one of my kids made me a penguin, because I'd told them it was my favourite animal;

Happy Teacher's Day!

You may also be aware that last week was Buddha's birthday. He was 2576! That's a lot of candles. It also meant we got Friday off work, so I went down to Busan for the long weekend. Korea's second city is on the south coast, and is a major tourist destination. I bagged a hattrick of temples, including one on a cliff overlooking the ocean, and one carved into the rock up a mountain, which was pretty cool;

Koreans are very much an 'all the gear, no idea' kind of people. Now I climbed this mountain, and like a few other westerners that were there, I was wearing shorts, t-shirt, and trainers. It wasn't a massive climb, I saw one American dude in sandals. But all the Koreans are out in force, with full on mountaineering equipment; poles, gloves, super stretchy keep warm fabric, with hundreds of pockets, flashlight, compass, all this stuff hooked or strapped on to them somewhere. They look like a North Face store has vomited on them. For a gentle stroll in the woods on a sunny day. Its madness!

I also went to see the world's largest musical fountain! Its in a department store, and it was pretty cool. On the hour, every hour, they have a 10 minute show of lights, music, and water, and it was really something. This is indoor, with water falling from the 4th floor down to the ground, and shooting up. And the water sometimes spells out words and stuff like that. Check out a small sample here;

"here" 

Also, a note of caution. Learning English is obviously a really big thing in Korea, and there are lots of schools, and clubs and places you can go to learn English. But you do have to be careful. You should not, under any circumstances, send your kids here for example;

Lastly, the adventures of Tyrion the turtle!

This week, I put a mouse into his terrarium. He ripped it to shreds in seconds! Beware boys and girls. Turtles may look cute, but they are one of nature's most vicious predators.
You have been warned . . . .


  

Children's Day!

I don't know where you come from, but when I grew up, there was no such thing as 'Children's Day.' And every year, when Mother's Day or Father's Day came round, and us kids would say to our parents' "This isn't fair! Why is there no Children's Day?" every year our parents would reply "EVERY day is Children's Day!!!" Well not in Korea!

Last Friday was Children's Day, and it was brilliant! Easily my favourite day since I've been here, it was sooooo much fun! All lessons were cancelled, all the kids had brought in toys from home, there was loads of party food, and all the kids were allowed to wear whatever they wanted. Which was great, as it meant a load of girls dressed as Disney princesses, lots of boys dressed as ninjas, a Batman, and my absolute favourite, one class with three Spidermen! In full muscle suits and masks and everything! They looked awesome!
In the morning, us teachers performed a play called 'The Mouse Wedding' where I played the King Mouse, and it was great fun, the kids loved it! Later, all the teachers went from classroom to classroom, eating party food, playing with the kids and their toys, and posing for loads of photographs with the kids. Here's one of my older kids (see if you can spot the failed attention seeker);

Being a foreign teacher in Korea is the biggest ego boost out there, you walk into a room and all the kids scream your name and rush to hug your leg or hold your hand, and I've never given so many high-fives in all my life! It is great fun, and it is not like working at all!

Though sometimes, you have to get tough, and this week, I gave my first kid lines (oooooooooooh!). This kid has been messing around in my class for a while, and while I've made him cry twice, I decided to go down the route of lines this time. So he had to write out ten times 'I will not mess around' as homework. He will also get in big trouble at home, as the reports went out last week, and his said, he needs to stop messing around in class. Two days later, he gets lines for messing around in class. Bad timing! 


Away from school, its been an epic weekend of sporting triumphs! Twitter users may have noticed that '#undefeated' was trending on twitter as my baseball team recorded another crushing victory, 16-3, to make it 3 wins from 3 this season (and in my entire baseball career!), and while I'm still yet to actually contribute anything positive on the field, I like to think I bring other things to the team, like style, class, and a bit of cultural diversity.

The mighty Sheffield Wednesday wrapped up their season with a win, which I celebrated twice, once for the win, and once later in the evening, when in a random Korean bar, my mate tapped me on the shoulder, pointed over the bar, and said "Isn't that where you're from?"

Glory Glory Sheffield Wednesday!

The mighty Suwon Bluewings put on another great show, beating those airport lovers from Incheon 1-0, and after the game, a few of us went for galbi, a kind of Korean BBQ. While humming the catchy Bluewings songs (because I don't actually know the words) in the restaurant, the Korean guy at the next table leaned over and said "Suwon Bluewings?" and then joined in the singing!


And finally the new segment called 'The Adventures of Tyrion The Turtle'

The little fella went on quite a journey this week! While cleaning out his tank, I put him in a holder in the shape of half an egg, the kind of thing you'd get a big easter egg in. With the smooth sides, and being a teeny tiny little thing, he can't climb out. So I was cleaning the tank out in the sink, and when I went back to the table, there was the egg. The empty egg. And there was no turtle. I looked on the floor, but couldn't see him, so I pulled out the table. And heard a clunk. I looked under the table and could see little Tyrion, on the floor. Not moving. He had fallen a good 1.5 metres off the table! Thankfully he was fine, but I now know he has gotten big enough to climb out of the egg, cos when I put him back in the egg, he climbed straight out. He is getting bigger! He'll be hunting gazelle in no time!

Teaching the Premiership

I've got to do my first bunch of student reports this week, as my kids are all about to move on to the next level of study. My 'teaching' is pretty much just singing songs, telling stories, and playing games all day, so from next week, we're moving on to more advanced songs, more advanced stories, and the same games! But first I have to write reports for about 40 kids, grading them on various different areas, then writing a little paragraph or two about each kid. Now the really good kids are easy to write about. And the really bad kids are easy to write about, but all the kids in the middle . . . . . what do you say? "Your child is average."?

So I thought I might just relate all the kids to Premiership football clubs;

"I frequently forget your child is in the room. They never do anything bad, they never do anything good.
Your child is West Brom."

"Your child is pretty much the same as West Brom child.
Your child is Fulham."

"Your child used to be really good when he/she was younger, but is now only good occasionally, and has a tendency to make a fool of him/herself.

Your child is Liverpool."

"Your child has a brand new iPad.
Your child is Man City."

"You bought your child an iPad, but it didn't help.
Your child is QPR."

"Your child really doesn't appear to be anything special, but then whenever we have a test, your child comes top.
Your child is Man Utd."

"Your child only joined the school last year, but has been a breath of fresh air, making friends with everyone.
Your child is Swansea."

"Your child plays very nicely with others, and is very good at drawing nice shapes, but hasn't done well in any tests for a while."
Your child is Arsenal."

"If you spent some money on books, CDs, DVDs, etc., then your child could really progress, but is still doing pretty well.
Your child is Everton."

"Your child seems to have a new Step-Dad every few months. Your child really doesn't like his/her current Step-Dad. Your child really wants his/her real special Dad to come back.
Your child is Chelsea."

"Your child is French.
Your child is Newcastle."


You get the idea. Though maybe the parents would need to be fans of English football to really appreciate it?

As for my status as the school's Science Teacher, so far in science we have;
- Drawn a beehive and cut out a picture of a bee.
- Played with a magnetic board and some magnets.
- Coloured in a wooden doll.
- Made a wooden dog that for some reason, had wheels (as dogs don't generally have).

Its all very technical. Each Monday I am filled with excitement to see what scientific discovery the kids will be making this week!

Oh, and I did manage to accidentally send a kid sprawling across the floor this week. I sit on a chair at the front of the class, with the kids sat in a horseshoe shape in front of me, and I'd asked one of the kids to come up and point at a carrot in a picture I was holding. Well because I am hilarious, I decided to move the picture out of his reach as he tried to point, and as the kid tried to reach for the picture, he lunged at it, went over my knee, and went flying! I thought it was hilarious! Thankfully so did he! Oops!


Away from school life I visited Seodaemun Prison this weekend. Its situated in Independence Park in Seoul, and is kept as a historical monument to all the Koreans who were imprisoned and tortured while fighting for independence against Japanese rule. As you may or may not know, Japan occupied Korea from 1910 - 1945, and fairly brutally oppressed the Korean people, leading to a lingering dislike of Japanese people amongst Koreans to this day. Thousands of Koreans were tortured and executed at Seodaemun, and it was certainly an interesting place to visit and learn about the Korean struggle to restore their independence.

On a lighter note, my baseball career continued with another crushing win, 14-4 this time, meaning I am still undefeated! We've got a good stock of pitchers, so I don't think I'll ever get the chance to pull out my curveball or anything like that! And I'm still yet to get on base while batting. Hitting it is no problem, its getting to first base before the ball thats the hard part! Still its all about the team, and while we keep winning (and following up the wins by sitting in the sun, drinking beer and eating hotdogs), I'll be happy!


And finally a new segment called 'The Adventures of Tyrion The Turtle'

This week, I introduced little Tyrion to his namesake, and he watched him intently for clues as to how to act;

Tyrion (top) meet Tyrion (bottom)

Anyway, he seemed pretty happy afterwards, and now he understands more about where his name came from. I think its important that everyone knows a little about their name. For instance, I'm named after my Grandad. My middle name anyway. I'm Dave Grandad Bainbridge . . . .



Korean Festivals!

Koreans love festivals! But they do seem to overuse the word 'festival' a bit. I mean, when I think of a festival, I think of a big event, lots of people, lots of things going on, food, drink, stalls selling stuff, that kind of thing. If that's what you expect in Korea, you will be sorely disappointed. Basically, any time anything happens in Korea, its a festival. So this weekend, I went to a cherry blossom festival in Gunsan. Which basically means, there were some cherry blossoms in Gunsan. They look very nice, don't get me wrong, but its not a festival.

Festival? Or traffic and nice trees?

Later in the year, they have a bird festival. This is when a large amount of migrating birds pass through the area. Again, not very 'festive' is it?

Still, its not just 'festival' that is maybe not quite used correctly. I went to a maritime theme park too! Now, when I say theme park, you're probably thinking there were some sort of rides, roller coasters, that kind of thing? No. There was an old navy troop ship you could go on, that was kind of like a museum, and some old tanks and planes.

Not exactly Alton Towers is it?



The museum was pretty entertaining though, one of the best things about being abroad is the great 'lost in translation' type moments, when a sign says something, that maybe doesn't quite convey the original meaning. For example, this sign about a small hand-held cannon;

 . . . even women or children could use . . .



And lastly, I now have a pet turtle! On one of the facebook groups for expats, someone posted that they were giving away a turtle and the tank and everything as they were moving back home, so I thought, "Why not?!?" So now I have a tiny little turtle! He is slightly bigger than my thumbnail, and is about 6 months old. His name is Tyrion Turtle, and he is currently enjoying listening to some Bon Jovi (the latest album - What About Now). As we are in Korea, you might call it a Bon Jovi festival!

Little Tyrion enjoying the Bon Jovi festival