Teaching the Premiership

I've got to do my first bunch of student reports this week, as my kids are all about to move on to the next level of study. My 'teaching' is pretty much just singing songs, telling stories, and playing games all day, so from next week, we're moving on to more advanced songs, more advanced stories, and the same games! But first I have to write reports for about 40 kids, grading them on various different areas, then writing a little paragraph or two about each kid. Now the really good kids are easy to write about. And the really bad kids are easy to write about, but all the kids in the middle . . . . . what do you say? "Your child is average."?

So I thought I might just relate all the kids to Premiership football clubs;

"I frequently forget your child is in the room. They never do anything bad, they never do anything good.
Your child is West Brom."

"Your child is pretty much the same as West Brom child.
Your child is Fulham."

"Your child used to be really good when he/she was younger, but is now only good occasionally, and has a tendency to make a fool of him/herself.

Your child is Liverpool."

"Your child has a brand new iPad.
Your child is Man City."

"You bought your child an iPad, but it didn't help.
Your child is QPR."

"Your child really doesn't appear to be anything special, but then whenever we have a test, your child comes top.
Your child is Man Utd."

"Your child only joined the school last year, but has been a breath of fresh air, making friends with everyone.
Your child is Swansea."

"Your child plays very nicely with others, and is very good at drawing nice shapes, but hasn't done well in any tests for a while."
Your child is Arsenal."

"If you spent some money on books, CDs, DVDs, etc., then your child could really progress, but is still doing pretty well.
Your child is Everton."

"Your child seems to have a new Step-Dad every few months. Your child really doesn't like his/her current Step-Dad. Your child really wants his/her real special Dad to come back.
Your child is Chelsea."

"Your child is French.
Your child is Newcastle."


You get the idea. Though maybe the parents would need to be fans of English football to really appreciate it?

As for my status as the school's Science Teacher, so far in science we have;
- Drawn a beehive and cut out a picture of a bee.
- Played with a magnetic board and some magnets.
- Coloured in a wooden doll.
- Made a wooden dog that for some reason, had wheels (as dogs don't generally have).

Its all very technical. Each Monday I am filled with excitement to see what scientific discovery the kids will be making this week!

Oh, and I did manage to accidentally send a kid sprawling across the floor this week. I sit on a chair at the front of the class, with the kids sat in a horseshoe shape in front of me, and I'd asked one of the kids to come up and point at a carrot in a picture I was holding. Well because I am hilarious, I decided to move the picture out of his reach as he tried to point, and as the kid tried to reach for the picture, he lunged at it, went over my knee, and went flying! I thought it was hilarious! Thankfully so did he! Oops!


Away from school life I visited Seodaemun Prison this weekend. Its situated in Independence Park in Seoul, and is kept as a historical monument to all the Koreans who were imprisoned and tortured while fighting for independence against Japanese rule. As you may or may not know, Japan occupied Korea from 1910 - 1945, and fairly brutally oppressed the Korean people, leading to a lingering dislike of Japanese people amongst Koreans to this day. Thousands of Koreans were tortured and executed at Seodaemun, and it was certainly an interesting place to visit and learn about the Korean struggle to restore their independence.

On a lighter note, my baseball career continued with another crushing win, 14-4 this time, meaning I am still undefeated! We've got a good stock of pitchers, so I don't think I'll ever get the chance to pull out my curveball or anything like that! And I'm still yet to get on base while batting. Hitting it is no problem, its getting to first base before the ball thats the hard part! Still its all about the team, and while we keep winning (and following up the wins by sitting in the sun, drinking beer and eating hotdogs), I'll be happy!


And finally a new segment called 'The Adventures of Tyrion The Turtle'

This week, I introduced little Tyrion to his namesake, and he watched him intently for clues as to how to act;

Tyrion (top) meet Tyrion (bottom)

Anyway, he seemed pretty happy afterwards, and now he understands more about where his name came from. I think its important that everyone knows a little about their name. For instance, I'm named after my Grandad. My middle name anyway. I'm Dave Grandad Bainbridge . . . .



Korean Festivals!

Koreans love festivals! But they do seem to overuse the word 'festival' a bit. I mean, when I think of a festival, I think of a big event, lots of people, lots of things going on, food, drink, stalls selling stuff, that kind of thing. If that's what you expect in Korea, you will be sorely disappointed. Basically, any time anything happens in Korea, its a festival. So this weekend, I went to a cherry blossom festival in Gunsan. Which basically means, there were some cherry blossoms in Gunsan. They look very nice, don't get me wrong, but its not a festival.

Festival? Or traffic and nice trees?

Later in the year, they have a bird festival. This is when a large amount of migrating birds pass through the area. Again, not very 'festive' is it?

Still, its not just 'festival' that is maybe not quite used correctly. I went to a maritime theme park too! Now, when I say theme park, you're probably thinking there were some sort of rides, roller coasters, that kind of thing? No. There was an old navy troop ship you could go on, that was kind of like a museum, and some old tanks and planes.

Not exactly Alton Towers is it?



The museum was pretty entertaining though, one of the best things about being abroad is the great 'lost in translation' type moments, when a sign says something, that maybe doesn't quite convey the original meaning. For example, this sign about a small hand-held cannon;

 . . . even women or children could use . . .



And lastly, I now have a pet turtle! On one of the facebook groups for expats, someone posted that they were giving away a turtle and the tank and everything as they were moving back home, so I thought, "Why not?!?" So now I have a tiny little turtle! He is slightly bigger than my thumbnail, and is about 6 months old. His name is Tyrion Turtle, and he is currently enjoying listening to some Bon Jovi (the latest album - What About Now). As we are in Korea, you might call it a Bon Jovi festival!

Little Tyrion enjoying the Bon Jovi festival



Baseball Legend!!!

Its true, I am now a fully fledged baseball player person guy! So I don't quite know all the lingo yet, but I made my debut in the Seoul Baseball League last Saturday, and I was almost awesome! My team finished bottom of the league last season, were on a 13 game losing streak, and hadn't beaten our opponents in 3 years. I make my entrance, and we storm to an 11-1 win and top the league after the first week! Boom!
I can't claim all the credit, its a team game after all (and I did strike out, get run out, and drop an easy catch), but you could tell that my presence on the team, made everyone else perform that little bit better. All the Americans didn't want to look bad in front of the English guy! After the game we all sat around in the sun drinking beer and eating hotdogs, which is definitely my kind of game!

My favourite moment in the game was this exchange between me and the umpire as I went out to bat;

Umpire - (Reading the name on the back of my shirt) "So is that some kind of old British name or something?"
Me - "Yeah man, pretty sure I'm the only British guy in the whole league."
Umpire - "Holy shit!!! You're really English!!!"

That was the second time that day that someone had said "Holy shit! You're English!" Which I enjoyed. No-one ever said that to me when I played football and cricket back in England. I'm stepping back up to the plate again tomorrow, still looking for my first homerun, and hoping to keep my 100% winning streak going!


In better sports, I was back at The Big Bird Stadium for the big grudge match between the Suwon Bluewings and Seoul FC, and it was a great atmosphere. Before the game, a young Korean woman came out on to the pitch and waved, and the crowd went mental. And while she had obviously waved before, and was pretty good at waving, I sensed that maybe she was someone famous, and the crowd weren't just really impressed with her waving skills. But I had no idea who she was, which caused a great deal of shock amongst the Korean fans nearby. Apparently this was the world famous figure skater and Olympic Champion, Kim Yuna. Sadly, I've not renewed my subscription to 'Figure Skating Monthly' for a while, so I didn't recognise her. But she's kind of a big deal here. This is her;

She's kind of a big deal. People know her.

In non-sporting news, the cherry blossoms are finally out in force in Suwon, and they do look rather lovely! Cherry Blossom Festivals are a big thing here, and they've been going on in the south of the country for a few weeks, but its only been the last few days that the blossoms have come out up here. So this weekend I'm heading to Gunsan to check out some cherry blossoms and stuff, and to meet up with a fellow Sheffielder, which should be good. There's some really nice cherry blossoms right outside my apartment;

The view when I leave my front door every morning.



And finally, I'm getting a turtle. But more on that next time . . .

Baseball & Nuclear War

So amidst escalating tensions on the Korean peninsula, I thought I'd better write another post to ensure everyone knows I'm still alive and war has not broken out (at the time of writing!). Despite North Korea calling for all foreigners to leave South Korea as they didn't want them to get hurt in the event of thermonuclear war, I have no plans to leave. I really can't emphasise enough how little Koreans care about what the North is saying. Its the same old news for them, its been going on for 50 years. The North come out with all these threats, and then nothing happens. Its the anniversary of the birth of the founder of North Korea, Kim Il-Sung next week, so its widely expected that they might launch a test missile to 'celebrate' but certainly no-one I've spoken to feels the slightest bit of concern here.

Of far greater concern, certainly to fans of brass instruments, is the crackdown on trumpets;

No Trumpets!!!

There is to be no playing of trumpets in Korea! I saw this road sign on a recent walk round, and while my Korean is coming on, I can't read what it says. Or more precisely, I can read what it says, but I don't know what it means. But just to be on the safe side, I won't be playing any trumpets.

On the football front, some friends and I recently went to an Asian Champions League game at Suwon's Big Bird Stadium, and saw the mighty Suwon Bluewings get hammered 5-2 by a team from Japan. In the second half, Suwon were awarded no fewer than four penalties! They proceeded to miss three of them! And after each penalty, whether Suwon scored or missed, the Japanese team went up the other end and scored within a minute! It was crazy! As before, after the game, the Bluewings dutifully went over to the away fans, and bowed, and then came over to the home fans and bowed. They were greeted by applause from the home fans, despite their embarrassing defeat, and total inability to score penalties!

No shame in missing three penalties!

And yes, this Saturday sees the beginning of my journey from baseball novice to MLB Allstar! I'm making my debut as the Seoul Baseball League gets underway. I explained to the captain that I've never played baseball before, but that my extensive rounders experience in school PE, coupled with my history as a Yorkshire cricketing legend, should make me an instant hit in my new sport. He was not convinced, so I'm starting on the bench as a designated hitter on Saturday. Which means I won't be trusted to field, but that I should get a couple of innings to go and have a swing, and hopefully make contact! I got myself some cleats (baseball shoes) and batting gloves, and I'm picking up my new uniform tomorrow, so I will look awesome! All the gear, no idea! Its only a matter of time before I'm playing somewhere like this;

This is Jamsil Stadium, at the game I went to last week

I'll keep you all updated as my baseball career progresses, though I expect my awesomeness will make the news wherever you are . . .

Tears & Tokyo

Once they start crying . . . .
Well after that first one, it seems I have a kid crying in one of my classes pretty much every day! Though I am rarely to blame, its usually because one of the other kids hit them, or just for no reason at all. Or for some reason, when we talked about names, and I explained how you can add 'y' or 'ie' to the end of names to make a nickname, which prompted Jackie to get quite upset. I'm really only taking credit for that first one still. And try as I might, I can't make that little girl cry again (she's still messing about, but she's toughened up now to my threats and punishments!). I should point out, that kids don't generally burst into tears at the sight of me, they generally yell "Teacher! Teacher!" and try and high-five me, hug my leg or just teach me like I'm a rockstar. Its just that kids sometimes cry. FACT.

As for my 'Science' teaching, its become something of a farce. The school invests in new materials for each week's classes, so one week I had a load of magnetic boards and some magnets, and I taught the kids about magnetism. Kind of. But that was the peak of scientific discovery. The week after, we had simple wooden toys, which we just played with. And this week, we're just drawing pictures of bees. The Head Teacher told me to teach them about what bees eat and how they make honey, but these kids are 6 or 7 years old, and I don't think words like 'nectar' or 'cross-pollination' are really that useful! Still, I can teach them "Help! I'm covered in beeeeeeeeeeees!!!!" Which could come in handy.

Away from school, its been non-stop excitement! I went to see my first ever pro baseball game, between the Doosan Bears and the LG Twins, and it wasn't quite as boring as I'd expected, though it is certainly not as thrilling as cricket! I've also been drafted, so am now part of a team playing in the Seoul Baseball League! These Americans are going to be in for a real shock when I turn up for our first game in two weeks time! I'm tempted to dress in a suit and bowler hat, and stroll in, twirling an umbrella, and say in my poshest English accent "Good morning chaps! What are the rules to this uncivilised game then?" (I honestly don't really know the rules!) We'll see how my baseball career eventuates . . . .

I also went to Seoul Zoo, which was awesome, as zoos always are. And then this weekend, I went to Japan, for the Tokyo 7s. I've now been to four of the nine HSBC Sevens World Series events, the others being Dubai, Edinburgh, and Hong Kong. As an Englishman with a Kiwi family, its odd that I've not been to the London 7s, or the Wellington 7s, but I will one day. The Tokyo 7s was good crack, though not a patch on the fun of the Dubai 7s, without a doubt, the best on the tour. England made a mess of day one, but came good on day two, and thrashed Argentina to win the Bowl Final. Japan made the Shield Final, and got great home support, but Canada pooped on their party, though not literally, and won that one quite comfortably. In the main final, New Zealand were beaten by the cheating South Africans, but I'd left by then, as I had to get my flight back to Seoul.

I have to say, I was really surprised by Tokyo. I didn't see much of it, but I was expecting some sort of futuristic wonderland of shiny, floaty, newness, with gadgets and robots and lasers everywhere you looked. But its kind of shitty. It almost had the feel of an English seaside town, kind of faded and old. Everything was kind of dirty and looked like it was from the 80s. Thats not to criticise Tokyo, its no worse than any other major city really, its just not what I expected. I was expecting something from a science fiction movie I guess, and its just a bit shitty.
As for my accommodation, I stayed in one of those capsule hotels, and it was definitely an 'experience.' The capsule was quite wide and quite high, though only 6 foot long, a problem for a 6'3" guy like me! And the bamboo screen at the front doesn't exactly keep out the noise, but it wasn't too bad. The hotel was male only, and had a sauna and communal bath house, but I didn't really fancy naked bath time with a bunch of strange men, so I gave that one a miss.

Easter has also been and gone, but its not a holiday in Korea, so we didn't really notice. One of my Korean colleagues gave me an easter present though, a little box, with 'Happy Easter' and my name written on it. And inside was an easter egg. In the afternoon, a bit peckish, I thought I'd eat my egg, and was surprised to see it was a real egg. Not a chocolate egg. Just an egg. Not even an egg with a toy inside. Just an egg. I was confused.

And finally, I am now officially a registered alien! I have my Alien Registration Card (ARC), which means I can do all kinds of things I couldn't before, most importantly, get a phone, and a proper bank account. It also means I can walk around singing "Woah-oh, I'm an alien. I'm a legal alien. I'm an Englishman in Suwon . . . . "